all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
