THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
