i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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