I am midnight drunk by noon
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
