Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
