party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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