Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
