The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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