I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
