You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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