Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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