am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.