do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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