I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?