Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
