i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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