no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
