so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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