So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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