he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
