I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
