apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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