the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
