John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
