margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize