Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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