god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
