how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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