Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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