shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
