Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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