I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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