It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
