Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i've created a new STD.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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