I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I am one with the molecules
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
