White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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