Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
