I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
