I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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