Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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