Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
