Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
