Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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