I wish they made helmets for livers.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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