This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
