I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
