I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
