i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
