my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
