don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
