He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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