someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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