so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
