I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
