i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
