we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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