I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
