Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
