Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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