He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
