i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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