guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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