oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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