My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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