I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
