no, he came in my armpit
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
