Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
