Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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