at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
